More men than you’d expect suffer through erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. They get older, hormones settle down a little, and all of a sudden the old man wasn’t what he once was. This is a problem that can come and go from time to time, one that we just need to learn to live with. Unfortunately, that’s much easier said than done, because this problem is insidious: it doesn’t just rob a couple a night of romance, it weasels its way into their heads, creating problems that were never there before. “What’s happening to me? Will I ever perform again?” asks the man as he spirals into the darkest insecurities of his mind. “Why isn’t my partner attracted to me? Am I becoming unattractive?” asks the woman, who’s always occupying a less than rosy part of her mind.
The answer, of course, is that they’re both wrong: things can get better. However, we hate to side with the male…but it’s much worse for him. As a partner, you have to be there for him in his hour of need. Here’s how you do it.
Don’t Ridicule or Make it about You
We understand if there’s a temptation to mock this condition, but please refrain. Your partner is not finding it amusing. This isn’t most people’s problem though – the opposite is. It’s easy to get defensive and take the condition personally, but you simply mustn’t. The science is there to back it up: it’s about your husband’s body, not yours. Having a wall up against the condition will make it all the more difficult for it to be resolved. It places an unnecessary pressure on your partner, which is probably the root of the problem anyway; men freak out at one single case of ED and exacerbate the problem ten fold.
Do Support, Offer Solutions
Instead, you should be supportive and try to find a solution to the problem. Book an appointment for physical help at a place like N2 Therapy, and then top this up with a trip to a therapist – together or alone, whatever is best for your partner. In the end, it’s about treating their problem the same as you would if you found out they had any other medical condition: with compassion and love. Letting them know there’s no pressure will also help them relax.
Those Private Moments
Living with a partner suffering from ED does give you the chance to look inward, but never in front of your partner or at their expense. If you do find yourself feel threatened by what’s happening, ask yourself: what is about this condition that is so negatively affecting my self-esteem? In the end, this issue can be turned into something good. You’ll be able to work on areas of your personal life and relationship that need a bit of work. Don’t let one medical condition be detrimental to your relationship or life. If you must, put your sex life to one side until you’re both in a position where you feel comfortable and secure.